It’s so deep
It’s so wide
—The Police, Synchronicity I
Do you feel like the world has become an act of walking a tightrope?
Our history has always had times of unwinding. This time feels different though, like we’ve peeked a little too far behind the curtain and glimpsed a reservoir of consequence and truth too great to comprehend.
I wrote what follows a few years ago. I feel a more-than-casual connection between what is happening internally and the world at large.
* * * * *
I’ve spent the latter half of my life being practical, literal, realistic. In control. Level headed. Granted, this was in response to almost annihilating myself during the first half. The result was the same. It would seem that living at the extremes is easier than the middle ground. The middle ground leaves room for doubt. Fear. The unknown. It also leaves room for dreams. For possibilities. For discovery.
I ask myself why a lot.
It’s hard to stand outside myself, to observe objectively. It’s complicated. A riddle I tell myself without knowing the answer. I’m trying to figure it out, the truth of it and how it has defined me. The bad, the good. We are handed many lies in life, by our parents, by our culture. Some are deliberate, others just the thread of the realities we weave. I’m trying to identify and separate the dysfunction, the manifestation, and the affect— forcing myself to pick the jewels of wisdom out of the sharp, shattered remains.
It’s the confrontation, the conflict, that is the challenge. A painful and frightening fight. Confidence is sparse when you realize the foundation you have built your life upon is cracked, crumbling and false.
I’m writing a new story.
This is not a reinvention. I am enough. There is no resolution in extremes. The middle ground is where the brave reside. A place of acceptance rather than control. A place where doubt and uncertainty is embraced. Blame and demonization is replaced with responsibility. War is not waged here, only the sharing of compassion. A place of balance and peace.