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What I Remembered

Dream’s Window

Your smile and the sun
the blue-green surf
this, what I remembered
waking alone in my bed

The rocks that rose out of sand and sea
into a spotless sky
loomed, casted shadows
as I watched
unseen from a wave-carved cave

My heart

Laced in happiness
a selfless rejoice
for You
Wrapped in hurt
a page you hadn’t shared…
maybe whole chapters too?
Filled with sadness
four chambers of grief
pumping howls of longing
and all of it
Burning
oh, the burning
in wretched jealousy of He

Playing, swimming
afloat, embraced with He
odd though, the waves were rough
not matching the day
the rocks too close
slapped, awash in angry sea froth

I held my breath
afraid you’d be thrown
torn on stone’s jagged outline

But you were smiling
laughter spilling from your lungs
bliss beaming from your eyes

I craved to bathe
in that gaze
to know its shine
the fall of its warmth on
my hungry soul
instead cursed
to wonder how it felt
for He

An ugly urge to walk
to ocean’s lapping
for you to see
to see me see you
to see your joy dulled
to steal your light
for you to see my broken hurt
my loneliness

Then
desperate the need
to run reckless, senseless
away, till body’s scream
far,
till memory clean

Yet feet held fast
stare unbroken, I watched
eyes stinging, tearing
until my pain swelled, spilled
drained into the sand
only then
had I the courage to turn
the shimmer of your voice fading
with each retreating step
only then
with lips curling bittersweet
did I smile

Because you were free.

Photo Credit: Shepard4711
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